guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's Friday. Sex?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
