Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
