Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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