Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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