My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize