Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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