I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
