I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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