This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
