You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
