remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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