Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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