moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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