Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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