Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
