What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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