My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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