i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
