you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
