I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
