My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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