i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
