i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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