just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In other news, I just burned my penis
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
