i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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