So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
