If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
