I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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