took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
