4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a hot homeless man
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
