So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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