Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
