I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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