remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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