I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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