They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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