I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
