How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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