wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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