I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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