Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You made out with two different species that night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
