How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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