"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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