i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
