Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
