I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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