Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The adults are the big ones right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
