so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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