babies were throwing up all over the place
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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