Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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