So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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