I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize