why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
