There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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