I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
