Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Walk of Shame today included voting.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
