K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
