1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
