My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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