I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
