I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
