he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
