I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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